You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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