I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
