i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
