Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
