The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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