Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
