I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
