When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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