You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
