I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
