'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
