Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I CAN MOONWALK!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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