Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
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I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
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Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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