D3 body, D1 cock
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i want to swaddle you in tequila
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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