my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
