Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
