I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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