Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
