Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
