what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
