Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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