I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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