Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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