just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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