you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
