You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
