4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
