also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Acid is not a monday night drug
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
