if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
