she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
