Are we in a gay sports bar?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
