I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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