i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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