I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
