Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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