i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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