Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
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Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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