Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
