no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
