well you can't waste a boner
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Will exercising make me less horny?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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