no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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