someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
