as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
