Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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