I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
