Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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