He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
