I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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