cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
