dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
