Umm I'm too high to move.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
