Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
