I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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