my vag is so smooth its legendary
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
