we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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