Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
