there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
