i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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