So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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