You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
