Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
