He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
