you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
