So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
