I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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