I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Randomize
