There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
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Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
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there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job