loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.