cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
