that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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